Bridesmaid refuses to attend destination wedding in Italy after discovering bride expects the guests to pay for all of the wedding expenses: ‘I can’t justify going into debt for her wedding’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Oct 8, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

I love my friends with all my heart, but there are many things I wouldn't do for them, even if they asked me to.

For example, I would not pay thousands of dollars to fund my best friend's destination wedding, and I doubt I would even attend, which is exactly the problem the best friend in the story below is currently facing.

At first, she was happy for her best friend, Emily, when she announced her engagement. But the closer they got to the wedding, the less happy the best friend began to feel. Her main concerns started when Emily sent out a Google Doc titled "Wedding Guest Contributions," which specified how much she expected each guest to pay for the wedding events. Not only to attend, but to actually fund these things.

I mean, when were you ever asked to pay for someone else's rehearsal dinner? And who would agree to?

That is what led the best friend to sound her concerns to Emily, but she did not react well to them…

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  • Was that what led the best friend to refuse to attend the wedding at all? Keep scrolling to read the full tale, and share what you would do in the best friend's place in the comments below.

  • 01
    "I refuse to pay thousands for someone else's big day"
    via Truecreatives

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    WIBTA if I refused to attend my best friend’s wedding because she’s making guests pay for everything?

    I (28F) have been best friends with Emily (29F) for over a decade. I've seen her through every breakup, job change, and 'finding herself' phase.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 03
    So when she told me she was finally getting married, I was genuinely thrilled for her.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 04
    At first, everything sounded fine; until the wedding planning started turning into a full- blown money pit... for everyone but her.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 05
    Emily's having a destination wedding in Amalfi, Italy, which already means thousands in flights and hotels.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 06
    I expected that. What I didn't expect was a Google Doc titled "Wedding Guest Contributions ." It had a detailed breakdown of costs that she expects each guest to cover: -$300 for the rehearsal dinner (mandatory, apparently).
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 07
    -$250 for group activities like boat tours and wine tastings. -$150 for wedding attire coordination- she wants everyone in matching pastel tones for her photo shoot -$100 wedding gift fund.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 08
    Yes, she literally made a minimum gift contribution. When I told her I couldn't swing that much, especially after travel costs, she brushed it off with, "Everyone's chipping in, it's not that big of a deal.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 09
    Love requires effort." Meanwhile, she's been posting on Instagram nonstop about her new designer handbag, luxury spa days, and even a bachelorette trip to Paris - which she covered fully for herself, but expected the bridesmaids to split her fiancé's flight??!
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 10
    Atp, it doesn't even feel like she wants to celebrate love, it feels like she wants to fund a lifestyle (while draining everyone's pockets) I told her I might not be able to make it, and she got cold, saying she "expected more loyalty" and that real friends support each other's dreams.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 11
    Don't get me wrong; I love her, but I'm starting to feel completely taken advantage of.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 12
    I've supported her through everything, but I can't justify going into debt for her aesthetic wedding lifestyle.
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 13
    So WIBTA if I told her I'm not coming because I refuse to pay thousands for someone else's big day?
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 14
    Cheezburger Image 10561232640
    via kkshepel

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    Chilling_Storm I wouldn't pay to attend many things but especially a wedding!
    via Chilling_Storm
  • 16
    OP revenge-not-taken Exactly! I mean, it's HER day, and I'm literally her best friend. Why would she demand my loyalty in such a manner? I wanna be there for her, but not at the cost of my budget
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 17
    tomyownrhythm I had my wedding near Amalfi this year. We paid for everything except people's flights and hotel. We even hired a shuttle to run from the hotel to the venue.
    via tomyownrhythm
  • 18
    OP revenge-not-taken Thisss!! Honestly, I hope she's on Reddit to see what people have to say
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 19
    SpiderByt3s Should send her the link and see how quickly you get dropped as a "best friend"
    via SpiderByt3s
  • 20
    OP revenge-not-taken Haha, the title is getting too expensive to keep, I wouldn't mind loosing it
    via revenge-not-taken
  • 21
    Dapper_Ad_819 NTA send your regrets and move on. She's being absurd.
    via Dapper_Ad_819
  • 22
    Ok_Chance_4584 "You can have my loyalty, but not my life savings." NTA for living within your means.
    via Ok_Chance_4584
  • 23
    GoetheundLotte NTA, that is really cheap and demanding, do not attend and clearly state why.
    via GoetheundLotte
  • 24
    LibraCyn No friend would do that to other friends. Period. This isn't a wedding; it's a charity ball. If a bride wants a dream wedding of a specific style, they pay for it themselves.
    via LibraCyn
  • 25
    facinationstreet I'm not paying $300 for a dinner for which I have no input. If I pay $300, I'm telling the venue what I want. Ya'll should just start doing that and see how it goes.
    via facinationstreet
  • 26
    Regular_Boot_3540 The one that gets me the most is $300 for the rehearsal dinner. PER PERSON? What kind of extravagant dinner is that? Your "friend" is acting entitled. You definitely should turn down the invitation, save your money, and find a new best friend. NTA
    via Regular_Boot_3540
  • 27
    HoneyNebulaa Paying to attend someone's wedding is just wild to me too
    via HoneyNebulaa

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friendship cost aita bride Italy groom best friends wedding drama destination wedding bridesmaids wedding money entitled people
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